I've been down the relationship road quite a few times and, being the motormouth that I am, have always managed to blurt out shit that should've stayed locked up in my little head. So Tania Khadder, who seems more enlightened with what you should never say to your mutual other, has written this self-help thing-a-majig to help keep the peace (unless you're gatvol of the bastard and are deliberately setting shit off)!
IGNORE AT YOUR OWN RISK
1) "My ex did the exact same thing!"Whether they both always hold the door open or neither one showers often enough, your boyfriend never wants to hear that he's anything like your ex. EVER. So the next time you experience boyfriend deja-vu, keep it to yourself.
2) "Helen's pregnant ... Shhhh"
Remember on Sex and the City when Carrie tells Aidan that Miranda's pregnant but that he can't tell Steve? Remember how upset Aidan was to hear the incriminating news? Your boyfriend doesn't want to hear information that could get him into trouble. And even if he does want to hear it, he really shouldn't. Along the same lines, he doesn't want to hear about your friend’s yeast infections, her irregular periods or her IBS. It's bad enough he has to hear about yours.
3) "When we're married/have kids..."
It's natural to fantasize about wedded bliss and the three kids you and your beau will one day spawn — you’re only human. And sometimes you might even entertain this fantasy very early on in a relationship. But unless you want to scare him away permanently, keep thoughts like these in your head where they belong.
4) "Do You Think She's Pretty?"
When you ask a question like this, your boyfriend knows he can’t win.
You know you ask such questions when you're picking a screaming match. If he says “yes,” you’ll probably get jealous and upset. Of course, if he says “no” (and she clearly is pretty), you’ll accuse him of being a liar. You’ll wonder what else he’s lying about, even as you assure him you don’t mind if he says “yes.” And when he's managed to convince you that he genuinely doesn’t find her attractive at all? You’ll wonder what his bad taste says about you.
See?
5) "I'm fine" or "Never mind"
Your face says it all. So does the fact that you haven't said a word in the past hour. And the way you snapped over the misplaced remote control isn't hiding anything either. But when he asks if you’re okay, you say you're fine. At this point, your boyfriend wants to tear his hair out.
6) "I just let one go"
In a man's mind, women only use the bathroom to re-apply their lipstick (or, at the very worst, pee). They know they're kidding themselves, but they really don't want any physical, verbal, or olfactory indication of the contrary. Announcing your bodily function means he can no longer blame the dog. Suddenly, you're one of the guys, and not in a sexy, "I watch football and drink beer but I'm still a girlie-girl" kind of way. Wait until you get married to be disgusting!
7) “I’ll try anything once!”
Because unless you really, really, really mean it, don’t get his hopes up. I've shot myself in the foot with this one.
8) “Are you sure you're okay?"(Repeatedly. Even after he’s told you he really is okay.)
Sometimes we’re thrown off guard when our guy is uncharacteristically quiet. We’ll prod and probe, hoping to get to the bottom of their issue (and too often, we're absolutely sure it’s something we’ve done). When in reality, there may not be a concrete reason at all. Men have bad days too — they can be moody, tired, or just generally not feel like talking. They’re only human!
Ask him what’s bothering him over and over again and the only honest answer will be “You.”
9) “I hate my thighs”
Putting yourself down in front of him makes you look insecure, and just in case you didn’t know, men really hate that (see #6). Just like women, they’re usually attracted to self-confidence and put off by its opposite. If he didn’t find you attractive, he wouldn’t be with you in the first place. Period, end of story. No one else looks as closely at your body as you do. In all likelihood, you are your own worst critic. Don’t recruit him.
10) "I hate your mom"
Likewise for his friends, his siblings, his dad … even his dog.
Don't say I didn't warn you coz being single sucks donkey balls!
CrazyBlackVirgin
